“ If you ever find yourself being vulnerable with someone and they run away from you; they were never worth it in the first place.”- Aunty Rose, My Therapist.
Vulnerability is one thing most of us as humans crave with each other on any level of relationship whatsoever. So I really do not understand why someone would run away when you eventually do all it takes to be vulnerable with them. Like why?!!!. O wrong nah😒. Hence my gist today - Ghosting.
We all know it is one thing to outgrow a conversation with someone and once in a while y’all chip in a little bit of Hi and Hellos, here and there, that is quite acceptable but then! It is another thing to completely vanish from the surface of someone’s dm without any closure whatsoever and still shows signs of you being alive, like posting on their stories for you to see. Shey were ni? Are you okay😂?. Sincerely speaking, I’ve never really understood the whole concept of ghosting someone you claimed to care about even though I myself is/are guilty of that(pardon me). I do believe that is okay to go MIA sometimes, like instances when I ghost my friends especially in cases when I feel overwhelmed and have issues communicating how I feel(that is one big major issue for me) or in cases where my phone has gotten spoilt and I’m tired of explaining why my phone has spoilt for the 7th time in 3 months.😪 But in cases, where you have met someone and then you both bonded and the feeling becomes mutual and poof! You vanish without any form of closure, now that doesn’t really make sense. Everyone must have experienced a ghosting scenario which left them distraught and clueless and everyone must have ghosted someone for reasons best known to them(but not me sha🥱)
So I will be using my friend’s story as an instance and Let me just call her Jane because I’m so tempted to use her real name. Apparently, my Friend, Jane had this guy that has been asking her out for more than a year, you know that kind thing na and she didn’t want to date him instantly without getting to know him better and my guy wanted to avoid stories that touches the heart. Eventually, she decided to give our potential in law a chance, they went on dates and they bonded quite well and they were really super cool and our inlaw was quite thoughtful. As they were doing their things, we the committee of friends were shouting God when!. All of a sudden. Our inlaw disappeared, no calls, no texts, no smoke signals, no messenger pigeons, nothing at all. At first, Jane was worried that something was wrong but the guy(we had already dis-inlawed him) kept posting on social media and then it dawned on us that he had ghosted Jane without any explanation whatsoever. Sha my friend didn’t take it well but she was clueless, confused and angry and till date, we haven’t heard from our ex in-law.
There is one thing about being ghosted by another person that makes you shrink and feel less of yourself, makes you feel so small and makes you question yourself and find flaws in yourself that aren’t even there but then one thing is forgotten, that ghosting says a whole lot more about the ghoster than you. It simplys shows their inability to have an honest and mature conversation with you. I believe that you can’t just come into someone’s life, make them feel special and then leave. That is wrong.
- Have you ever been ghosted by someone, If yes, please share the story and tips that helped you cope with it.
- Then, Have you ever ghosted someone? How did you feel? Did you eventually reach out, give them closure. Tell us everything in the comment section to prepare us for the battle ahead.
Comments
About ghosting some people are just to scared to face people so the easy way out is Ghosting
Disappear when you like and come back without an explanation just from there de go. I like to respect the dead
The biggest problem with ghosting is that people think it’s an acceptable way of ending a conversation, relationship etc. It is not guyyy!! People are owed proper human decency if only for them to get the hint but also so they don’t wonder, worry or worse become paranoid and feel the need to per-sue you heavily. As a reasonable person, who needs space, communicate your reason and need for that. If you ghost me omooo don't even come back explaining in the future your reason for doing such cause I've already placed you nonexistent. E for Energy.
A lot of people are going to have my head for this but hear me out guys
Do I'm a ghoster( not proud about it and on a changing process) and an emotion I'm all too familiar with is guilt.
Yes as timi said, it's a big cowardly move. I tend to do this when there has been a recent spat cause of my inability to be reach out or my invulnerability cause them hurt.
Yes I apologize (most times immediately) and everytime I want to enter the person's dm, I feel they're still mad at me or hurting because of what I've done. I know I unintentionally help people and it seems to be a constant factor in my relationships with them. Since it's something I can't help, I ghost them to "save them from myself".
I'm not speaking on behalf of others in this cause but mine is something I unhealthily nurtured growing up due to my inadequacy in being logical at all times and always at the ends of being wrong.
I feel since I've always hurt them then this final hurt of "ghosting" is for the greater good.
I know,I know, it's not healthy but I'm adjusting.... hallelujah somebody 😹